Well this IS what it's all about in the end........

I spent THE most fascinating afternoon at the Barton Farmshop in Woolsery, watching Robbie cut up my pigs. And what a bloody nice bunch of blokes (and you too Sandra) they are in there. Some of you might be a bit squeamish about the picture, but this what it all boils down to. The three pigs all weighed in at quite different weights, the gilt came in at 63kgs, the middle boar, 73kgs and my favourite (if I permitted myself a favourite), the big black one, a stonking 77kgs.

Distribution of the cut meat was erm... interesting. My folks collected a half pig, a Teacher at school another, our dear friends Lord and Lady Ansell drove up from Hampshire for one (with a car laden with beer, champagne, chocolate, flowers, haribos and cake........you naughty people) and Mike and I drove out onto Dartmoor on sunday morning (me, very much still under the affluence of incahol methinks...) to deliver the final half pig. In what Mike remarked looked like a scene out of "The League of Gentlemen", twenty or so chunks of bloody, raw meat were transferred from the boot of my car, into bin liners before being smuggled into the boot of (what for me was) a complete stranger's 4x4, in the car park of a pub shaped like Old Mother Hubbards Boot!!!!

Mike.... I feel awful! You know, we had a fridge full of cheese to finish off Dinner with, and enough eggs, bacon, sausages, home made bread etc to give you a breakfast to remember...... instead, and I don't know how it happened, someone got those damned dowsing rods out....... and then there was that trip out on to the Moor.......... I'm so sorry you missed breakfast.

The remaining pork was used for the repayment of favours and the balance is now tucked away in my freezer...... apart from that whole belly that is curing in my fridge as we speak.... soon to be the most satisfying bacon sandwich I'VE ever had anyway.

To all those of you who've helped me out I say a huge THANK YOU, to those that bought my pork, I say ENJOY and despite the sleepless nights, the (lets face it) trauma, the mud, the hard work, the straw in the back of Sal's clean car, the nightmare of ear tagging ......... I'll be back, sometime next spring and I'm already looking forward to it.

They're gone......

Blimey! What a week of mixed emotions..... First of all there was the ear tagging incident (I noticed one of them had fallen out before they went off), and then there was Monday morning......

My good friend Geoffrey (a Devon lad, bought up on a farm, former slaughterman, butcher etc etc) borrowed a trailer on my behalf, and rocked up at my place at 6.00am. I had prepared a "run" for the pigs, made from electric fencing, which ran from the field, down the garden and out onto the footpath where the trailer was to be drawn up. I also reduced the size of the field on sunday, so they had nowhere to run when I needed to round them up. (I've read tales of people chasing them round the field covered in pig muck & mud and really didn't want to do the same). Anyway, after several VERY sleepless nights (and, I'll confess, having been utterly foul to live with for a couple of days), the time came.

The stoopid buggers had somehow or other contrived to get the wrong side of the fence overnight and then couldn't find a way back, so they slept outdoors on their last night!! Boy, did THAT make me feel good. Anyway, It took a lot of coaxing to get them out of the field and I guess, about 40 minutes to eventually get them onto the trailer (apples did it in the end). It was then off to Smales in Hatherleigh. When we arrived, Geoffrey very deftly reversed into their yard. They were comfy now and took some "encouragement" to offload them. I can't even contemplate the thought they sensed what was coming, rather that they were just being stubborn.

By the time I'd been into the office to do the paperwork, they had probably been "done". Geoff said it was best I didn't watch, and frankly, I'm kind of glad I didn't. It was all over and I was overcome with a cloud of sadness.

We returned home, cleaned out the trailer, I dismantled the electric fence and stared out on my empty field. It was all so sad.


I kind of got over the sadness by tuesday and on wednesday I had to go back to pick up the carcasses. Once I saw them, and that beautiful layer of fat, any feelings of sadness turned to pride. They killed out at between 63 and 73kgs and now I can't wait to try my lovely home grown pork....

Today (thursday) I'm off to Barton Farmshop in Woolsery, where Robbie (a top geezer) is going to cut them up for me. I have buyers for four halves already, one half for me, and the remainder will be used up as "thankyou's" or sold off as individual pieces.

I have to say, it's all been a bit of an adventure, one that I have so enjoyed, one that has kept me awake more than I would have cared for, but one that I will certainly be repeating. (I'd do it again tomorrow if I had the land). So, watch this space and I'll let you know what it tastes like.....

Getting near the "business end" now...

I was never too sure how I'd feel right about now, I mean it's not as if I haven't had plenty of time to get used to the idea.....is it?

Well, now I know.

They're off on monday (1st September) 7.15 am is their allotted time, I'm taking them to a small abattoir (never sure if I spell that correctly) in Hatherleigh, my friend Geoffrey is borrowing a trailer and he's going to drive them there (and hold my hand and dish out the kleenex I have no doubt). He's a rather good butcher and has worked in slaughter houses so "knows the ropes" rather well. I tagged their ears this morning, which, I have to say, I found pretty distressing, if only for the fact I couldn't get the damn things to go in properly. Anyway, after standing out in the rain, sobbing quietly because I felt so f**king useless, I managed to get the sodding things in without causing (apparently) any undue discomfort to my pigs. I'm glad I've got that out of the way, let's just hope they don't make any attempts to rip them out!!

So Sunday, I'm meant to starve them I believe (I need to check up on that, but I think it's something to do with them having empty bowels when they are opened up on monday), and then I have to conspire to get them out of the field, down the garden, round the side of Geoff's garage and into the trailer at 6.30 on monday morning. I've already had way too many sleepless nights over this (I don't handle stress as well as I used to!!!), and now I think I'll be quite relieved when it's all over.

Here's a picture of them just after they were tagged (did I mention they destroyed my compost bin yesterday too?), acting like nothing happened.................

There's a lot to be said for this downsizing malarkey...

Today for a change, the weather is half decent and I've had the chance to get out in the garden. My veg plot is completely ragged as it's been so neglected recently. The pig's field is a muddy quagmire, so much so, I've had to move them onto a new bit of grass. My wellies were getting bogged down in the mud, it must have been horrible for the pigs! (I know, they like a bit of mud, but surely there's only so much they can take). Anyway, we're off on holiday in a couple of days so I've been frantically preparing the place for Dor & Geoff to take over pig-sitting duties, including making up 15 bags of feed, strimming all around the fence line, laying duck boards across the mud and a new bed of straw for my hefty pigs. They, of course have totally sussed me out. They know I'm going to eat them and they're doing everything in their power to turn on the charm! The little sods now roll over on their backs when you give their bellies a rub... cute or what!!! They follow me everywhere and I'm in danger of falling for their charms.

What amazes me (although a seasoned pig keeper will probably scoff) is how three pigs from the same litter can vary in size so much. One of the boars is massive compared to the others and the gilt is so much smaller. They all get fed together and none of them seems to be getting more than its' fair share of tucker. In fact, what is really amazing, is how quickly they grow, full stop. Doesn't seem five minutes ago I was hoiking them off the back of Chris Jopling's 4x4 by it's back leg. Now, I guess they must be getting on for 50-60kg each. I'm really curious to see what they look like when they're cut up, what the ratio of fat to meat is etc. As it's my first time I don't really expect perfection, but whatever happens I'm sure it'll be glorious meat. I'm planning to take them for slaughter on September 1st, of course Sal & Katie are very squeamish about this (with good reason I guess) and I know damned well I'm going to grizzle at some stage, but it was always on the cards......

Anyway, we're off to beautiful Anna Maria Island on Thursday, can't wait and I'd like to take this opportunity of thanking my "outlaws" in advance for taking on my little herd while I'm away. I'll sign off now with a few pics, one showing Saturday's harvest from the garden, home made bread and jam (a real first for me!!), peas & tomatoes are still on their way (I hope), a cute pig pic and maybe a preview of our holiday...... did I mention we're going on holiday...................? yay!

Last day of term....

End of Term today, bit of a strange day really, it's Speech Day which is always busy and my girls in the kitchen surpassed themselves this year. Mountains of fresh cream sponges, shortbreads, fruit cake (even my Mum's malt loaf recipe made it onto the menu!!!), smoked salmon sandwiches, rare roast beef sandwiches etc etc. The tables were laden and it looked great, so if I never properly get to show my appreciation for all their hard work, I've done it here and it's for all to see.
The sad bit about the end of Term is saying goodbye to some truly lovely people, many I've known since we moved here 8 years ago when they would only have been I guess about 8 or 9 years old. I've also had to say farewell to Candy & Vanessa who have worked with Irene and I on the evening shift for the last two years. These two have been just the loveliest kids and I will genuinely miss them. I wish them both true happiness in their lives beyond Shebbear College.
So that's the sentimental bit over and done with, and now, in true July time, Devon fashion, it's pissing down with rain and I've got to go out and feed those bloomin' pigs! (only 8 weeks to go y'all).

Nothing to do with pigs.......

June 14th 2008 was a great day. Me and my girls packed ourselves into the car and took ourselves off to Cardiff for the evening to see my hero, Bruce Springsteen at the Millennium Stadium. Katie was pretty unenthusiastic but humored me by wearing my 1985 "Born in the USA" tee-shirt (I was a LOT smaller in those days), and so long as I could promise her he'd play "Mary's Place" (he didn't let us down), she was prepared to sit out the three hours without complaint!!! For me the thrill of seeing Springsteen was tinged with sadness as sooner or later, I'm going to have to accept I've seen him for the last time..... and watching Clarence shuffle slowly to the centre of the stage (he IS 65 after all is said and done), knowing that Phantom Dan was no longer with us, well, it's going to happen sooner or later. However, that being said, The Big Man's sax solo in Jungleland still gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. That song is very likely my favourite and although I wouldn't admit it on the night, my eyes filled a little when we said goodbye to the Heart Stoppin', History Makin', Earth Shatterin', Pants Droppin', Legendary E Street Band. Even Katie was up at the end and despite the fact we couldn't have got tickets much further away from the stage, it was a night that will live in my memory for many, many years to come.
The picture at the top is very much The Boss's view of US! (just left of centre, up in that little white patch between the blue and the green seats!!!) I pinched this pic off the net, hope no one minds, and the other shows me and my little girl, me not looking as happy as I was and Katie whincing!!

It's been such lovely weather.....

Must have been the hottest weekend of the year so far, so, being the caring sort of bloke that I am, I planted a parasol out in the field to create a bit of shade for my rapidly growing herd. I suppose it was ambitious, and shouldn't be surprised that they didn't bother with the shade, but chose to use the post as somewhere new to rub their backs!! Well it served a purpose if nothing else. Plan B was far more successful, I put the hose into a hole they had dug for themselves and created a pond of mud! This was more like it for m'pigs! They loved it and spent much of the day wallowing in it. The bizarre thing is, it's suggested they like a wallow because it cools them off, which I can understand...... why then, do they still snuggle up to one another like there's no room anywhere else? Stoopid Pigs!

Reflections so far......

Things they don't tell you in the Pig Keeping Books......
1. While trimming the grass under your electric wire (so the fence doesn't arc to earth), try to resist the temptation of putting your scythe straight through the wire thereby releasing curious pigs.... Yes folks, it was me. Bloody idiot, I felt like a complete clot chasing round trying to keep them in while also gathering up enough slack on the wire so I could tie the two ends together while praying that the Pigs hadn't realized I'd turned the juice off!!!

There's bound to be more where that one came from.... in time.

"If there was one thing you could change?".........................

I know EXACTLY what that would be. I vividly remember my friend Chris Jopling telling me, "Mitch, when you build a pig house, make it so you can lift the top off to clean them out" Did I? Did I heck. Which is why sunday mornings are spent kneeling in pee soaked straw shovelling pig turds out into the barrow.

Well, enough of my ramblings, it's dinner time and then I'm going out into the garden with a cup of tea, lean on the fence, listen to the birds and the occasional grunt from the snorkers and just marvel at how lucky I am.

A myth about keeping pigs.......

I read a lot of stuff on pig keeping, a lot....... I thought I was totally prepared and never considered that MY pigs wouldn't conform. They all tell you that pigs are clean animals, and frankly, if you met them, you'd have to concur, however! They also tell you that they don't soil their own bedding/accommodation.........WRONG!!!

I have just spent the whole of my sunday afternoon on all fours, inside a pig ark, disinfecting the floor of a pig ark. I won't trouble you with any more gory details than are absolutely necessary, but I will add that two showers later, I think I can still detect the subtle combination of Jeyes Fluid and stale pig pee on my hands and knees.

I realise now, that I made their ark a little on the large side (I so wanted to make them feel at home....) and I think this has backfired on me because the lazy little sods can't be bothered to walk outside so they go crap in the corner!!!

So, by way of revenge, I have cut down on their straw which they use as bedding. The thinking behind this being that they'll have less straw to soil and are therefore less likely to shit on it.......

I've just been out to see how they've responded to this and to my dismay, one of them has had a dump right in the middle of the "nest" and they're sleeping on the solid floor with just their heads on the straw!! Stoopid bloody pigs. Well they're not getting any more bedding out of me tonight, they have to learn not to poop on their own doorstep (so to speak).

I also spotted a bloody great rat scurrying under the ark this afternoon. If Sal knew this she'd freak, but as she's unlikely to read this, I ought to get away with it. I'll try and lay my hands on a bit of drainpipe this week and put some poison in it, under the ark, that ought to get rid of the bugger.

Well, I guess that's enough for tonight's entry, I'm off to scrub my hands again.......

Couldn't resist posting this.......

April 1st (no coincidence I guess!!) they're here....

The adventure has begun, I have joined the brotherhood, there's no turning back, they're here. Three little 8 week old weaners, 2 male, 1 female (I know, they have "proper" names...gilts, hogs, boars whatever) and they're cute (damn them) as hell! Katie has already spent a day playing with them and has given them names, which is something I forbade but how am I going to stop her? They sleep a lot, eat the rest of the time, and frankly, poo a lot. Collectively they are a huge bunch of time wasters as I sit at the window for ages just watching them. I know the novelty will wear off after a while (once they've escaped or I've had a nip off one of them I guess), but they are fascinating to watch. Noodles hasn't taken too kindly to them, in fact she took a shock off the electric fence yesterday and won't even go out the back door any more. I'm sure in time she'll get used to them.
I've been trying to stick to the advice I received or read about regarding how much to feed them, however, I think that because they're eating a lot of grass and vegetation, they're not eating as much of the pellet stuff I've been giving them as I'd expected. This is great news because it's bloody expensive, but that little bit of grass will soon become a quagmire so we'll have to wait and see how it turns out. I've taken loads of pictures and movies of them, but haven't got round to uploading them onto the PC yet so you'll have to make do with this one....it'll be the first of many I'm sure........

Finally got a bit of decent weather.......

So I managed to build m'pigs a new home. Gotta say, it's pretty cosey in there, hope the three little pigs are going to be very happy in their new home. It'll be about 6 weeks before they arrive, plenty of time for Sal to run up some chintz curtains and some scatter cushions!!!

Steph & Adrian's Silver Wedding Anniversary

My very dearest friends, Stephanie & Adrian in Peebles, who I don't see nearly enough of got married 25 years ago and are having a party this weekend to celebrate. Sadly we are unable to go and I just wanted to tell them how much I love them and miss them. I hope you two have a lovely weekend, and it goes without saying how much I wish we could be with you. All my love to you both and Bill, Alice, Julie, Sally, Emma, Victoria, Pam & Geoffrey and all the rest of the family. Hope very much to see you soon.

They're on their way!!

The piglets were born last week, on the 31st Jan, so we popped along to Jacobstowe to have a peek this afternoon.
Got to say, they're very cute, very, very cute. I couldn't get in to the pen with them, Mum (Plum) is a bit grumpy, so the pictures aren't that great, but you can see what I mean. She had 12 piglets in total, but for one reason or another, saw her way to laying on 4 of them and killing them, which, I believe isn't that uncommon, but a shame nevertheless. I got a bit of video too, with Chris Jopling, the breeder, not sure how it will work on here. Must say thanks to him & Jan for an endless supply of advice and in Jan's case, mockery (if I want my pigs to have chintz curtains, they will have them) and for a very nice cuppa today.
Next weekend is the half term holiday when I hope to finish my pig house off, then it's another 6 weeks before they arrive..............and the adventure really begins. Can't wait.

P.S it's only fair I give the Joplings a plug after all the help they've given me (and they do make awfully nice sausages), so if it's rare breed pork or weaners you're after go to www.snoutandtrotter.co.uk and if you fancy a week in Devon in a cottage by a pig farm, you could do a lot worse than having a look at www.trotterscottage.co.uk (which, for some reason, I couldn't get to work as a link, so you'll have to copy and paste it into your browser, sorry)

Not much happenning yet......

So I gave the grass a bit of a trim.................
I reckon, that in the history of the whole wide world, this particular bit of turf has never, ever seen a lawn mower!!! So, this was a first and almost certainly the last time it was ever going to happen! I had to swerve to avoid the odd cow pat that had survived from a few weeks previous, but all in all, it looks pretty good. I expect this time next year it will look like a first world war battle zone, so I took a picture of it, just so I could remember what it used to look like...... Don't know who that fat bloke is though....

Finally got it finished today....

So I started round about 10.00am this morning, got all my tools together, lugged them all out into the field only to find that some ******* had nicked my wire!!!!! Now, on the basis that a herd of cattle arrived earlier this week, and there are tyre marks (tractor tyres) leading to and away from my posts (at the precise spot I left the wire....40quids worth), it's my guess that we know who the culprit is!!!!

I imagine I could get myself in some deep water by naming him here, but we know who you are........

Anyway, thanks to some sterling help from Geoff (Father in law) and an amazing bit of ingenuity from the good folk down at Hallwood Farm, who invented and made a very simple but invaluable tool for stretching bits of wire, I got the field fenced off and hopefully cow proof, by about 4.00pm.

Shan't bore you with pictures of my piece of grass, but I will enclose a picture of Noodles, who has been out with us all day, and found that rolling in cow pats really can be quite good fun!....This is her shortly after her shower.

Despite the rain.......

Katie had a lovely day, coming third in her show jumping competition.

The talking's over, it's time to get working!

Half term holidays October 2007 and it's time to put my money where my mouth is. I've been banging on about keeping these pigs for quite some time now so I've finally ordered the fence posts etc to get our bit of the field enclosed. The posts arrived on Friday afternoon and Katie and I lugged them out into the field, which was pretty hard work in itself. Then came the task of measuring it all out and getting the posts in the right places.

Saturday morning (the day of the Rugby World Cup Final), and I've managed to borrow most of the tools I need for digging/driving these things into the ground off a neighbour...............and thank heavens I did. Annie & John, thank you SO much for the loan, I'd still be digging now if it weren't for you two. I spent the rest of that day digging, driving, aching, perspiring........... and only managed two posts!!! (three foot deep holes into clay/stone...........no fun).

So here's the irony, England are in the World Cup Final, and it's Sal who's gone down the pub while the match is on. Me? I'm too achy and stiff to even think about getting off the sofa. Sunday, I'm still in too much pain and am most disappointed I haven't lost an ounce of weight after my exertions!!! Time was, with that amount of effort I'd have lost 5 or 6 lbs no trouble (and heaven knows I need to lose some weight).

Monday sees me back out in the field, making a little more progress. I'm starting to get the hang of things now, each deep hole is now taking about an hour!!! The bloke up at Bridgemans (the local agricultural suppliers where the posts came from) reckons on 100 yards per man per day for stock proof fencing. By my reckoning it'll be more like 70yards, per man, per fortnight!!!! The real killer is when you drive the shovel into the hole and hit a stone. The pain shoots right up through your hand, up your arm and stops somewhere near your chin. By heck my hands hurt.

Tuesday-Thursday I have the pleasure of attending a Dinner Lady conference in Birmingham (deep joy), when all I can think about is being back home with my girls and getting on with m'pig farm. Thankfully Friday comes around pretty soon and I'm back out there beavering away. Noodles (a very cheeky Wire haired fox terrier) and Rolo, (a mad Springer spaniel) accompany me. Chasing each other for what seems like hours, in and out of my post holes and turning themselves a pleasing shade of red as the day progresses!!!! Noodles later takes 20 minutes under the shower getting all the dirt and mud out of her. One more day should do it.

Saturday however, is a bit murky, it's been raining and the clay weighs my wellingtons down. The tools are wet and hard to handle but I make reasonable progress. However, the extra effort brought on by the rain (not to mention the soaking my clothes got) forces me to call it a day by 3.00pm. Sunday ought to see me get it finished (I want to get the tools back to Annie & John).

The clocks went back last night and Katie is very excited as she's competing in some kind of horsey thing down at the stables today. So excited that she's aiming to get there at 7.00am!!! Bang goes any thoughts of a lie in then. As it is, I have a wretched, sleepless night. Dreaming about fencing wire, pig arks and school dinners! To compound my joy, it's chucking it down with rain and there's absolutely no chance I'll be doing anything towards the pig effort today. I shall just have to sit back and read my sausage making book! (oh, and go be a spectator in the pouring rain watching Katie)